Change is gonna come...

There has been some major changes happening in my life lately and I am not sure if I like them. I have always struggled with change and it makes it all the worse when I have no family close by to talk to-or even get a good hug from. I can't even remember the last time I had a really good hug.

The end of the school year is coming and I am so excited for it, but I am so worried that I haven't taught my students anything worthwhile this year. I feel like I haven't done enough for them and I wish that there was some way I could tell them that. I am also nervous about starting my next year in school, I still feel very inadequate as a teacher and I don't know what to do! I am going to miss my class and really am going to have a hard time saying goodbye to them. I am also worried about new calling at church, I mean I am excited for it, but I am worried that I am not going to do a good job.

One of my roommates is getting married on Friday and I am going to miss her like crazy, it won't be the same around the house without her! I am so excited for her and she is going to be the best wife and mother! I also feel like I am getting left behind again. I'm not saying that I am desperate to get married, all I am saying is that I feel like life is running away from me.

I just wish that I wasn't feeling so insecure about me and my abilities with work, family, and other relationships that I have in my life. I am having a hard time trusting myself and my ability to make good judgements. So trusting other people is also just as hard. What am I going to do?! Sometimes I wish that I could seriously disappear from life for awhile, just so that I could take a break and get my bearings back-but that never happens does it? I mean even when you go on vacation, you never truly vacate your life do you?

Slow on the uptake?

Have you ever wondered why things are either happening too quickly or slowly in your life? Man I have. I was talking to my mom on the phone tonight and she said that the family decided that it takes me forever to clue-in on important things in life; prime examples dating and dressing like a girl. I was quite shocked to say the least about that statement, but after pondering on it for awhile, I realized she was right, she always is-

You see growing up I was always hanging out with the boys, because I thought girls talked too much about stupid stuff like clothes, make-up, and how cute boys were. I hated brushing my hair in elementary school and because of the natural curl I have it was all over the place and so the girls made fun of me. Anyway, to sum up-I preferred playing sports and proving to the boys that I was as good as them.

I even dressed like a boy. I hated girlie colors like pink and purple, so I always wore baggy T-Shirts that were bold colors like red, blue, and green. My shoes were basketball shoes, because they were the best shoes to run in, and my hair (when it was long enough) was always in a ponytail-pulled back flat and tight. I seriously didn't dress like a girl.

I finally clued in after I graduated High School. I mean I did occasionally dress all cutesy and stuff, but never did I own something pink until I was in college and one day I decided to try something new. I bought my first pink shirt! I wore it to work one day and this guy I liked stopped what he was doing, looked at me and said, "Dang, you look good in pink, you should wear it more often." From then on I was attached to the color pink.

Anyway, back to the whole uptake thing-

So I have been talking to several dear friends about dating recently and one of my guy friends told me that I should just go up to the guy I like, put my arms around his neck, and wait for him to either kiss me or pull away. Is that crazy or what?! I seriously don't think I could ever do that unless, I already knew the guy was into me that way. I don't think I could handle the embarrassment or rejection. What do you think? Is this another example of being slow on the uptake?

So those of you that know me, know that I am pretty outgoing and social, but when it comes time to spend one-on-one time with a guy, especially one that I like, I freeze and get a tongue-tied. Do you think because I was "one of the guys" growing up that I actually missed the important stuff like 'how to act around guys I like' or 'how to dress like a girl' or even 'what do I talk about on a date?' Seriously I need help. Any advice would be great! I don't want to be slow on the uptake anymore! HELP!