Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Change is gonna come...

There has been some major changes happening in my life lately and I am not sure if I like them. I have always struggled with change and it makes it all the worse when I have no family close by to talk to-or even get a good hug from. I can't even remember the last time I had a really good hug.

The end of the school year is coming and I am so excited for it, but I am so worried that I haven't taught my students anything worthwhile this year. I feel like I haven't done enough for them and I wish that there was some way I could tell them that. I am also nervous about starting my next year in school, I still feel very inadequate as a teacher and I don't know what to do! I am going to miss my class and really am going to have a hard time saying goodbye to them. I am also worried about new calling at church, I mean I am excited for it, but I am worried that I am not going to do a good job.

One of my roommates is getting married on Friday and I am going to miss her like crazy, it won't be the same around the house without her! I am so excited for her and she is going to be the best wife and mother! I also feel like I am getting left behind again. I'm not saying that I am desperate to get married, all I am saying is that I feel like life is running away from me.

I just wish that I wasn't feeling so insecure about me and my abilities with work, family, and other relationships that I have in my life. I am having a hard time trusting myself and my ability to make good judgements. So trusting other people is also just as hard. What am I going to do?! Sometimes I wish that I could seriously disappear from life for awhile, just so that I could take a break and get my bearings back-but that never happens does it? I mean even when you go on vacation, you never truly vacate your life do you?

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Niki ~ I found your blog off your facebook page. Hope you don't mind. I think I know what you mean about the feeling you are having. Sometimes I struggle and wonder if I will ever get married, meet the guy, or if I'm in the right place. I've been feeling that way for awhile now and not wanting to say anything. I pray about my feelings a lot and have attended the temple a couple times wondering if I'm going the right direction. I feel like I'm suppose to be where I'm at right now, though.
I know that you have taught your kids the things they need to know. I had a little bit of a hard time saying good bye to my kids as well, but I believe there will be some that will come say hi next year.
Hope things look up for you. Keep smiling and praying and something will happen. I have wondered about seeing the big picture in my life and what I'm to do next, but I've decided that Heavenly Father knows what's best and will guide me in that direction. Have a great day/night!!

SMILES2ALL said...

hey Nikki how are ya? I also got your blog off of your facebook. I always thought I would never get married expecally in high shcool because I never dated in high school. I serious think I went on like 5 dates all of high school. It wasnt untill collage, that I started dateing a little more. Then I met my husbend and the rest is history. Well to make this dumb story shorter. I wasnt even thinking of dateing let alone to get married. I mean I only went on 5-10 dates beofre I met Dan. What I a trying to get at is dont worry about getting married it will happen when you least expect it to. I dont know if you are in a singles ward or not but if not maybe try going to a singles ward and see if anything happens there.
Don't worry about your kids you thought the as much as you could, and you did it well. Just think in just a little bit you will have more kids to get attached to and then before you know it you will not even be thinking about the ones you just said good bye to.
where are you teaching that you are just getting out for the summer? Well I hope I helped ya, dont worry about getting married it will happen when it is suppose to. The Lord loves you and He knows what He is doing.