To use or not to use: that is the question.

So I got this advice from a friend and I have taken the advice and am now using it. The advice was to be myself and don't worry about what others think, so I am being myself-now the people around me either don't take me seriously or they think I am too serious! I am not obnoxious or rude, but I do tell people how I feel about situations and I do like to laugh, have serious conversations, and be silly-but now I don't know what to do, either I'm too serious or too silly. Apparently, I've lost myself and now finding it can be a hard thing. I want to be myself and I know that people tend to change who they are to fit the crowd and I don't want to do that. I shouldn't have to change me to keep the friends I have right? I mean if they were true friends, they wouldn't harp on me for being myself, right? Anyway you have just seen the confused and frustrated side of me!

Keep Breathing

I am in love with a song by Ingrid Michaelson song called "Keep Breathing." This song is extremely calming and it really makes you step back and take a look at your life to see the good in it, instead of focusing on the bad.

In the song it says, "I want to change the world...instead I sleep." How many times do I think about wanting to make a difference in the world? I have that opportunity to do everyday because I am a teacher-but I complain about having to go to work? Isn't that a contradiction? So goal starting tomorrow-NO COMPLAINING about work! I can do it!

The song also has a line that goes, "I want to believe in more than you and me." Well the thing is, that I am learning to believe and trust in people again. It has taken me awhile to step out of my comfortable, safe shell that I put myself into so I wouldn't get hurt, and now I kinda look forward to the challenge because I will grow from it. Does that sound weird?

Anyway all I am trying to say is, "All we can do is keep breathing." If we stop, then ironically so do our lives-mine did and believe me, it's pretty lonely.

~Nik

It's been decided

It's been decided that I was wrong... about a few things and I've finally have gotten a wake-up call.

Something New

So this blog thingy is all new to me. I had a friend tell me that blogging is a good way to release tension and to get whatever I am feeling off my chest, so that is why I am giving it a try.
I had an extremely rough month in April, I mean nothing went right and I mean nothing!

The month started off great because I was on my vacation from school and during those first few days all I did was read-something I haven't been able to do since before college. Anyway, I took a break from reading and rented a movie-so I needed to return it obviously and I didn't want a late fee, so I returned it. On the way out of the parking lot I was crossing all of the many empty parking spaces like I have done thousands of times before and I ended up getting hit by an oncoming van. Needless to say, we were both going fast enough for both of our cars to be totalled. I was devastated.

The next week, my wonderful roommate decided to break up with her boyfriend, because he wasn't the guy who she thought he was. That was hard for me because it made me think and then worry about that happening with me and the men I date. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that thought still was there.

Well the week after that, I several phone calls from my family members in the same day (which is completely out of ordinary) one of the calls being my mom, she was crying on the message and I freaked out. The first thought I had running through my head was that my brother was dead. This thought came because this particular brother of mine is making choices in his life that have and are still affecting the man he is capable of becoming. Anyway back to the phone call-I called home and my dad told me that his mother passed away two days prior! Needless to say I heart-broken. I got the first available flight out and spent the weekend with my family. At the funeral all of the grandchildren sang, "Families are Forever" and I couldn't get through the song because I was crying so hard! I was standing next to that troubled brother of mine and he was singing every word of the song from memory. It gave me hope that one day he would pull himself off of the path he is on right now and he will eventually be guided back to the straight and narrow one.

The weekend with my family was a much needed one, but while I was there I got a phone call from my roommate telling me that a friend and my other roommate's fiance had an accident and was in critical condition! Man was it crazy and scary!

The next week when I got back to Vegas, I needed to get report cards done and I needed to be "mentally there and available" for my students, and it was so hard. I fortunately had a good friend of mine come to my class and she helped my get my report cards done and edited and she forced me to go to her house for dinner because I didn't eat lunch. Can I just say she was my angel when I needed her. On my way home from her house that day, I was rear-ended in the rental car I was in. The ironic thing was that it was the last day of April.

Throughout the month of April I kept thinking to myself, "Why is this happening to me?" I had a dear person point out that what was happening was not happening "to me" it was happening "for me." I know that sounds weird so let me explain it. Everything thing that I experienced was for my good and my growth. The Lord wasn't punishing me for anything I did and he wasn't letting me suffer. I realized that I have grown a lot since my car accident, because I realized that materialistic things are just "worldly stuff" and nothing more. I won't be living in eternity with a car, a cell phone, or a laptop. The most important things in this life are the gospel and my family. I will be able to live with my family forever and I will take all the knowledge from every pain and joy I've had in my life. I and I willing to do what needs to be done so I can learn more. So if that means I need more trials and tribulations in my life-I say "bring it on!"